We welcome any input you care to give! Send us a joke or funny story of your own, we'll try to include them all and even give you the credit for them (unless they're really, really funny, then we'll have to think about it!)
Warning: We have made a 'Naughty Jokes' page for all of those jokes not quite fit for general viewing - actually not at all fit for viewing by children, narrow-minded individuals or anyone with a heart condition! Words may offend, content may offend.....'struth if you want to be offended this is the page to see! You have been warned!!!
^Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
^Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
^Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
^Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
^Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
^Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
^Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
^If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
^Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
^Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
^How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
^How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?* * * * * Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
==============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
===============
And last but not least...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT* * * * *
#Why does the sun lighten your hair, but darken your skin?
#Why don't ever see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery?"
#Why is abbreviated such a long word?
#Why is a boxing ring square?
#Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
#Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
#Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
#Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
#Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
#Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?
#Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
#Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?* * * * * 10 Rules for Dating my Daughter
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waistline.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing some kind of “barrier method" can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a backhoe, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid, Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. Or a fighter jet over the desert in Kuwait. When my Agent Orange or other things I have been exposed to start acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
* * * * * THE FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other* * * * *
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Gladwrap for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."-------------------
Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."-------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!-------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.-------------------
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.-------------------
I went to buy some camoflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.-------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'-------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.-------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".-------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.-------------------
A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."------------------- Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
* * * * * In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: "Think!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign, and
right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "Thoap!"* * * * * A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of this bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and anything he could think of to set a good example. Nothing worked.
Finally, John got fed up and he yelled at the parrot. And, the bird yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the bird got angrier and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, John put the bird in the freezer.
For a few minutes, John heard the bird squawk and kick and scream... then suddenly there was quiet. Not a peep for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the bird, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am truly sorry, and I will do everything to correct my poor behaviour."
John was astonished at the bird's change of attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued :
"May I ask what the chicken did?"* * * * * The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans The Italians drink lots of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans- Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
* * * * * 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3 It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse.
The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed* * * * * A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a knock on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife. "Just a stranger asking for a push" he answers. "Did you help him? she asks. "No I didn't -- it's three in the morning""Well you've got a short memory" says his wife, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him."
The man does as he is told and returns to the front door and calls out into the dark "Hello -- are you still there?"
"Yes", comes the answer. "Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband"Over here on the swing" the man replies.
* * * * *
^^You've never quite sure whether its ok to eat green crisps.
^^Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
^^Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
^^Nobody ever dares to make cup a soup in a bowl.
^^It's impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
^^Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
^^The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
^^Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
^^Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
^^Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
^^You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
^^There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you you've gotten your hand or head stuck in something.
^^No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
^^The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
^^People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
^^You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood to specifically stir paint with.
^^Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
^^Bricks are horrible to carry.
^^Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.* * * * * A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's bloody heavy."
* * * * * Q: Can a woman get pregnant from a toilet seat?
A: Yes, but the baby would be awfully funny looking.
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have
grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a
Playboy centerfold?
A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
* * * * * A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.""But I'm a University graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager."Here, give me the broom and I'll show you how."
* * * * * In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (Really???)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (I'm glad they cleared that up...)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit?)
On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles OPEN OTHER END.
On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
* * * * *
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But...
If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realise that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
* * * * * One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.
This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart"
* * * * * The following was brought to our attention by Michael's father! The new priest was so nervous at his first Mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips everything should go smoothly". The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great! However, upon returning to the Rectory he found a note from the Monsignor:
Dear Father,
- Next time, sip rather than gulp.
- There are ten commandments, not twelve.
- There are twelve disciples, not ten.
- We do not refer to the Cross as the 'Big T'
- The recommended grace before meals is not 'Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah God!"
- We do not refer to our Saviour, Jesus Christ and his Apostles as 'J.C. and the Boys'
- David slew Goliath, he did not 'Kick the shit out of him'
- Moses parted the water at the Red Sea - he did not 'pass water'
- We don't refer to Judas as 'El Finko'
- The Pope is consecrated not 'castrated' and we don't refer to him as 'The Godfather'
- When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said, 'Take this and eat it, for it is my body', he did not say 'Eat me'.
- David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, he was not 'stoned off his ass'
- The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost are never referred to as 'Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook'.
- It is always the Virgin Mary, never 'Mary with the Cherry'
- Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be 'A taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's!'
* * * * * A burglar breaks into a house in the middle of the night. Everything's quiet......
"Jesus is watching you!" The burglar jumps at the sound of the voice and freezes. He waits a few minutes and when it's all quiet again, starts to move through the room again.
"Jesus is watching you!" The burglar stops again and finds the light switch.
"Who said that?" he says in a panic. He sees a parrot in a cage, there's no one else in the room. "Did you say that?" he asks the parrot.
"Yes", answers the parrot.
"What's your name?" demands the burglar.
"Clarence", says the parrot.
"What sort of idiot would call a parrot Clarence?" grins the burglar.
"The same idiot that calls their doberman Jesus!" says the parrot.
* * * * * Jokes from "The Vicar of Dibley"- a very entertaining British comedy! * * * * * *To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
*The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
*I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
*If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
*If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
(See our archive page for more!) * * * * * Australia
~The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
~Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
~If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or, just conceivably, a wharfie.
~There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.
~On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallet by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out. We might have very stupid thieves. Or really stinky sandshoes.
~All our best heroes are losers.
~It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
~A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
~It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".
~Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, we may all just be really hopeless with names.
~If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.
~It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
~The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. Or at least not acted upon. You should take everything. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you are not trying.
~A flash sportscar driven by a middle-aged man does not incite envy as in America but hilarity.
~Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call is "being made on my mobile".
~And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one says "cobber".* * * * * A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo Factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 a.m. the next day.
The next day at 8:45 a.m., there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up.
The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem. Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs. The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says,
"I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday.
Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
Send us your jokes and/or funny stories- we'd love to hear from you!
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